Goldilocks & The Three Bears
Milton Keynes Theatre
10th December 2025
It’s that time of year again (oh yes it is!) when theatres across the country embrace that silliest and most uniquely British tradition of pantomime, in an attempt to bring some festive cheer to audiences during the dark evenings and cold weather. Milton Keynes Theatre is well-known for its high quality seasonal shows, bringing high production values and quality casts, and is hoping to continue this trend with this year’s pantomime, ‘Goldilocks & The Three Bears’.
Returning again from last year is TV funnyman Brian Conley (as Billy Barnum) and his real-life daughter Lucy Conley (as his onstage daughter Goldilocks), alongside Gary Milner as the evil Baron Von Blackheart who runs his circus of nightmares. Throw in the Magical Mysterioso (Phil Hitchcock), Billy’s mum Betty (David Robbins), and three rather famous bears (Joshua Lay/Lauren Bimson/Charlotte Pourret), and you have the stage receipe for a daft ride through silly sketches, deliberately bad jokes and sleighfuls of heckling and participation from the audience.
Anyone who’s attended at least one panto in their lives will already know what to expect, but in truth, ‘Goldilocks’ feels more of a variety show than a true pantomime, and suffers a little because of it. You’ve still got a dame, and a villain, and a singsong at the end, but it side-steps a lot of the usual pantomime standards, relying far more on spectacle and its leading man than its script (written by Conley and Harry Michaels). With inclusions from the Magical Mysterioso and the Timbuktu Tumblers, the focus is definitely more on the visuals, which are brilliant, and less on what’s actually happening or being said. The jokes are there but few really ignite, there are musical interludes but too few, and it just doesn’t feel as memorable as previous years. Part of the problem may be the merging of the stories of Goldilocks and the Barnums, focusing everything far more on the circus rather than the furry trio promised in the title.
What can’t be faulted are the production values, with stunning lighting design (Andrew Exeter & Matt Hockley) and costumes (Teresa Nalton, Mike Coltman & James MacIver), with enough lightbulbs to illuminate Blackpool and every cast member dressed up to the nines, particularly Dame Betty’s outfits which are numerous and glorious. There also some great choreography on display (Jane McMurtie), particularly in the opening number and also the ‘42nd Street’ homage later on, both delivered wonderfully by the ensemble.
Conley does his usual routine, clearly a crowdpleaser and a born showman but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before, and he dominates the show too much, rarely leaving the stage for long, and overshadowing the titular characters. Gary Milner does “delicious evil” well as Baron Von Blackheart, and Lucy Conley shows off a lovely voice once again, although it’s a shame she isn’t given that much to do. Similarly David Robbins makes a hugely likeable Dame, but the show lacks any standout scenes or material to really showcase Robbins’ skills.
‘Goldilocks & The Three Bears’ has enough fun, colour and spectacle to tick most people’s boxes, and while it may not be “just right”, it’s still worth rounding the family up to a trip to the circus this Christmas.
‘Goldilocks & The Three Bears’ runs at Milton Keynes Theatre until Sunday 11th January 2026.
Performance runtime 2 hours 20 minutes including interval.
Details at – https://www.atgtickets.com/venues/milton-keynes-theatre/
